Back in February – “Yo, you wanna go to the Kentucky Derby?”
Me: “Derby? Why?”
To say that I had very little interest in ever going to the Kentucky Derby was an understatement. I was generally against horse racing even though I do love putting money on sports. Something I read (true or not) about how the race horses could be put to rest if they don’t perform just never sat well with me and gambling on the horses seemed like a crapshoot because I know nothing about them. However, that was my friend from college that asked me if I wanted to join him and with him, no matter where we go, we just bring out the worst in each other so I decided, why the hell not. After all, it’s like the superbowl of horse races right?
Well, what I encountered in Louisville, KY was beyond the awesomeness I semi-expected… but let me start from the beginning.
My friend was flying in from Boston and I was flying from Tampa so our flight schedules were such that I was gonna arrive 2hrs after he did to Louisville. However, because my flight was arriving at noon and the chances of him being able to check into the hotel which is actually 17 miles out in Sellersville, Indiana before then were slim to none, he decided to just hang out at the airport bar waiting for me. Knowing that he was going to be doing that, as soon as I arrived in Houston where my layover was, I immediately headed up to the Continental President’s Suite (airport lounge) and got myself a few bloody mary’s. That wasn’t enough to get me drunk but it was enough to get me started.
As soon as I landed in Louisville, I text my buddy to find out he’s sitting at the bar at Chili’s in Concourse A. As soon as I arrive, I order a beer and he starts talking about how he peaked about an hour ago and now, he’s starting to wind down. Mocking the silliness of his comment, I order two shots of soco to get things started. We start catching up and we then order 2 shots of patron. We are now officially the loudest people there and we have the attention of the bartender who quickly realizes we mean business.
During this time, my buddy goes “dude, remember the $1,000 bet you did in Vegas?”
“Huh?” I respond with a blank stare.
He then proceeds to tell me and then show me this text exchange:
Me: “Dude, I’m gonna do a $1,000 bet in your honor because I love you.”
“Don’t do it. Spend it on girls instead.”
According to him, just as he hit send, another text came in.
Me: “And I’m down a grand. LOL”
What was crazy was that I had no recollection of making this bet in Vegas. Yes, I know how crazy it sounds for those of you that don’t know me. Well, it’s probably crazy for those of you that know me too but I was on a mission…
Well, after a few more shots and beers, we decided that it was time to move the party outside of the airport. We grab a cab and tell him where we need to go. However, as the cabby starts driving, we decide that maybe we should go to Churchill Downs to catch the Oakmont (races the day before KY Derby). We have luggage that we had to store somewhere so we ask him to take us to the closest hotel to Churchill Downs so we could drop our luggage off, bribe the front desk clerk to keep our luggage there and go party. We end up at this shady looking Econolodge in downtown Louisville where we do exactly that. We drop off our luggage and we also ask how much it is to stay there… we were drunk enough that we thought if it’s like $200 a night, we can cancel the other hotel (we’d have to eat the first night’s fee but again, we were ok with it at that point). Well, come to find out, it’s $450 a night. In this econolodge that looks like there are druggies out back in the alley. We laugh, give the clerk $20 to keep our luggage and we proceed to head out but then we decide, instead of going to the horserace, we should just go party on 4th street which apparently is one of the areas one should go party at in Louisville.
Keep in mind that this is still like 12:30pm on Friday and we’re like 9pm drunk. We go to this mexican restaurant on 4th street where we drink a margarita, order chips and salsa, and proceed to do more shots of patron. After we were done, we go outside in search of women and we find these 3 girls that were also hanging out. We go talk to them and buy them shots but it’s evident that my buddy was starting to get really really drunk. Finally, we decide to part ways but this is the part where the memory is fuzzy. I don’t know at what point we actually decide to part ways but eventually, I find him back at the Econolodge lobby, slouched over… as soon as I walk in, this indian dude starts yelling at me.
“Your friend has been puking all over the floor!!!! You guys have to pay!!!! Pay to stay here!!!”
I’m like whatever and I don’t even acknowledge my friend. I grab our bags and head back to the cab. I drop off the luggage into the cab, come back and grab my friend. We bolt out of there as the guy is still yelling at us to pay and we hop in the cab, laughing and telling the cabbie to take off. He does and…
Well, then I wake up. In what appears to be a hotel room. I’m a little disoriented but my contacts are clearly still in and I am on the couch. I get up and it appears to be dark outside so I figure it’s like midnight… I just roll my eyes and think “what a way to waste a Friday… we died around 2:30pm.” Peeking in to the bedroom, my buddy is taking up the entire king sized bed so I figure I’m just gonna spend the night on the couch. I look at the clock and it’s… 9:15… pm… This, like a shot of tequila, instantly excites me and so I wake my buddy up to tell him that we got a mulligan on a Friday night. We immediately get ready and what was even more clutch is that my buddy made reservations to a pretty nice restaurant called JackFry’s for 10pm. We are both fans of late dinners and then going out and this proved to be the best move ever. We make it back to Louisville in time for the dinner and we proceed to enjoy our meal even though we started feeling hungover at that point. I ordered a crown and coke but one sip and I realized there was no way I was gonna be able to put that down and keep it down.
We finish our meals and it’s like 11:30… we both know we have to rally because this restaurant is in the middle of the bar district and the place is hopping. So, we find this bar Molly Malones which is an awesome, huge irish bar with like 2 separate areas… one is an upstairs deck with a full bar and a dance floor and the other part is a building with 2 different full bars and another dance floor. We initially start by nursing our miller lites but as we continued to sip on it, we started feeling better. Eventually, there were some women that we convinced (not that difficult) to do shots with and once a shot went down, we were back in business.
We proceed to do more shots with more girls until we both fall in love with this hot redhead. We talked to her for like 30 minutes which ends up being a waste of a 30 minute investment. This is followed by a really really hot Korean girl who we talked/drank with for I don’t know how long… it doesn’t matter because it was yet another waste. Actually, I think she really did want to keep partying with us but her friend wasn’t looking to good and so she had to leave. For some reason, despite her willingness to exchange phone numbers, I didn’t. My buddy keeps telling me that I need to get over my anti-asianism.
Our night comes to a fairly unclimactic end with a 4am pizza which was shockingly good and I don’t say that because we were drunk. We can still tell (even though we would still eat shitty pizza because we’re drunk but we’d know the difference). We are both shocked by how good the pizza was (it was almost like NY) and especially considering it was in KY… We get a cabbie to take us back to Indiana to get ready for the Derby.
To be continued.