Derby TR – Part 1

Back in February – “Yo, you wanna go to the Kentucky Derby?”

Me: “Derby? Why?”

To say that I had very little interest in ever going to the Kentucky Derby was an understatement. I was generally against horse racing even though I do love putting money on sports. Something I read (true or not) about how the race horses could be put to rest if they don’t perform just never sat well with me and gambling on the horses seemed like a crapshoot because I know nothing about them. However, that was my friend from college that asked me if I wanted to join him and with him, no matter where we go, we just bring out the worst in each other so I decided, why the hell not. After all, it’s like the superbowl of horse races right?

Well, what I encountered in Louisville, KY was beyond the awesomeness I semi-expected… but let me start from the beginning.

My friend was flying in from Boston and I was flying from Tampa so our flight schedules were such that I was gonna arrive 2hrs after he did to Louisville. However, because my flight was arriving at noon and the chances of him being able to check into the hotel which is actually 17 miles out in Sellersville, Indiana before then were slim to none, he decided to just hang out at the airport bar waiting for me. Knowing that he was going to be doing that, as soon as I arrived in Houston where my layover was, I immediately headed up to the Continental President’s Suite (airport lounge) and got myself a few bloody mary’s. That wasn’t enough to get me drunk but it was enough to get me started.

As soon as I landed in Louisville, I text my buddy to find out he’s sitting at the bar at Chili’s in Concourse A. As soon as I arrive, I order a beer and he starts talking about how he peaked about an hour ago and now, he’s starting to wind down. Mocking the silliness of his comment, I order two shots of soco to get things started. We start catching up and we then order 2 shots of patron. We are now officially the loudest people there and we have the attention of the bartender who quickly realizes we mean business.

During this time, my buddy goes “dude, remember the $1,000 bet you did in Vegas?”

“Huh?” I respond with a blank stare.

He then proceeds to tell me and then show me this text exchange:

Me: “Dude, I’m gonna do a $1,000 bet in your honor because I love you.”

“Don’t do it. Spend it on girls instead.”

According to him, just as he hit send, another text came in.

Me: “And I’m down a grand. LOL”

What was crazy was that I had no recollection of making this bet in Vegas. Yes, I know how crazy it sounds for those of you that don’t know me. Well, it’s probably crazy for those of you that know me too but I was on a mission…

Well, after a few more shots and beers, we decided that it was time to move the party outside of the airport. We grab a cab and tell him where we need to go. However, as the cabby starts driving, we decide that maybe we should go to Churchill Downs to catch the Oakmont (races the day before KY Derby). We have luggage that we had to store somewhere so we ask him to take us to the closest hotel to Churchill Downs so we could drop our luggage off, bribe the front desk clerk to keep our luggage there and go party. We end up at this shady looking Econolodge in downtown Louisville where we do exactly that. We drop off our luggage and we also ask how much it is to stay there… we were drunk enough that we thought if it’s like $200 a night, we can cancel the other hotel (we’d have to eat the first night’s fee but again, we were ok with it at that point). Well, come to find out, it’s $450 a night. In this econolodge that looks like there are druggies out back in the alley. We laugh, give the clerk $20 to keep our luggage and we proceed to head out but then we decide, instead of going to the horserace, we should just go party on 4th street which apparently is one of the areas one should go party at in Louisville.

Keep in mind that this is still like 12:30pm on Friday and we’re like 9pm drunk. We go to this mexican restaurant on 4th street where we drink a margarita, order chips and salsa, and proceed to do more shots of patron. After we were done, we go outside in search of women and we find these 3 girls that were also hanging out. We go talk to them and buy them shots but it’s evident that my buddy was starting to get really really drunk. Finally, we decide to part ways but this is the part where the memory is fuzzy. I don’t know at what point we actually decide to part ways but eventually, I find him back at the Econolodge lobby, slouched over… as soon as I walk in, this indian dude starts yelling at me.

“Your friend has been puking all over the floor!!!! You guys have to pay!!!! Pay to stay here!!!”

I’m like whatever and I don’t even acknowledge my friend. I grab our bags and head back to the cab. I drop off the luggage into the cab, come back and grab my friend. We bolt out of there as the guy is still yelling at us to pay and we hop in the cab, laughing and telling the cabbie to take off. He does and…

Well, then I wake up. In what appears to be a hotel room. I’m a little disoriented but my contacts are clearly still in and I am on the couch. I get up and it appears to be dark outside so I figure it’s like midnight… I just roll my eyes and think “what a way to waste a Friday… we died around 2:30pm.” Peeking in to the bedroom, my buddy is taking up the entire king sized bed so I figure I’m just gonna spend the night on the couch. I look at the clock and it’s… 9:15… pm… This, like a shot of tequila, instantly excites me and so I wake my buddy up to tell him that we got a mulligan on a Friday night. We immediately get ready and what was even more clutch is that my buddy made reservations to a pretty nice restaurant called JackFry’s for 10pm. We are both fans of late dinners and then going out and this proved to be the best move ever. We make it back to Louisville in time for the dinner and we proceed to enjoy our meal even though we started feeling hungover at that point. I ordered a crown and coke but one sip and I realized there was no way I was gonna be able to put that down and keep it down.

We finish our meals and it’s like 11:30… we both know we have to rally because this restaurant is in the middle of the bar district and the place is hopping. So, we find this bar Molly Malones which is an awesome, huge irish bar with like 2 separate areas… one is an upstairs deck with a full bar and a dance floor and the other part is a building with 2 different full bars and another dance floor. We initially start by nursing our miller lites but as we continued to sip on it, we started feeling better. Eventually, there were some women that we convinced (not that difficult) to do shots with and once a shot went down, we were back in business.

We proceed to do more shots with more girls until we both fall in love with this hot redhead. We talked to her for like 30 minutes which ends up being a waste of a 30 minute investment. This is followed by a really really hot Korean girl who we talked/drank with for I don’t know how long… it doesn’t matter because it was yet another waste. Actually, I think she really did want to keep partying with us but her friend wasn’t looking to good and so she had to leave. For some reason, despite her willingness to exchange phone numbers, I didn’t. My buddy keeps telling me that I need to get over my anti-asianism.

Our night comes to a fairly unclimactic end with a 4am pizza which was shockingly good and I don’t say that because we were drunk. We can still tell (even though we would still eat shitty pizza because we’re drunk but we’d know the difference). We are both shocked by how good the pizza was (it was almost like NY) and especially considering it was in KY… We get a cabbie to take us back to Indiana to get ready for the Derby.

To be continued.

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Two degens = major lunacy (part 3)

Saturday morning… my last day in Vegas and I have no doubt that today cannot possibly be as bad as the past two days. Luck just doesn’t play that way. They tease you enough to make you wanna come back… at this point, only uber degens (read: Bayne and me) would keep hitting the tables with as much enthusiasm.

I decide I am in the mood for some asian food but am fully aware that they don’t open until 11am. It’s a little before then but I decide I’ll head to the Bellagio anyways where they have the noodle bar. My thought was that at least they should serve a more decent “free” bloody mary’s at the table than the other casinos. My real thought though is that I needed to log in some time at the MGM properties… so far, it’s been all harrah’s properties except the nonaffiliated casino royale. So, I get to the craps table at the Bellagio where I get my bloody mary fix to get me started for the day. Bayne joins me there after apparently, a session at Harrah’s already (again, degen) and we play to kill time until the noodle bar opens.

Now the craps gods must have been smiling down on me because I just happen to be at the only craps table that Bellagio has with “feature bets” which is essentially a bet you can make to see if the roll would hit all low numbers or all high numbers or all numbers before rolling a 7. Bayne and I are instantly hooked on this obvious sucker bet (we also love the fire bets at Harrah’s properties). This is a bet where it’s easy to get close but inevitably, the chances of getting the 12 or a 2 to complete the all high/low are not good. Without thinking much about it, I go to my one of many bathroom runs and come back to see that the feature bet section is covered with markers except for a 9!!! That’s like one of the easiest ways to complete!!! And BAYNE HAS FIVE DOLLARS (typically, we only had $1 on it) on the feature bet. I am sweating this hard as I know I will not hear the end of it if he wins this and I don’t. But again, the craps gods smiling down on me got the shooter a 7 and I, maybe for the first time ever in my craps life, celebrated inside for the 7.

A while later, Bayne goes to the bathroom or the ATM machine… he comes back to see that the all high section of the feature bets are covered. And me bragging in his face about how I won. Best part of the trip ever… at least up until that point. This Saturday turns out to be some kind of magical but at this point, neither one of us would have known this. Few turns later, Bayne chooses to “close the leak” by not betting on the feature bets… of course, this back fires as I hit the second feature bet of the day. Totally stoked, slightly drunk, and definitely hungry, we decide to hit the noodle bar where we crush our food. Eager for redemption, we hand our waitress the two cards face down and again, ask her to pick a card. Bitch picks my card so again, I lose…

Credit card roulette: Bayne 2 – 0 Me

Feature bets: Bayne 0 – 2 Me

Since my friends (the ones I have yet to see) are staying at Planet Hollywood, we decide we’ll try the casino there and let them know. With any luck, they might come downstairs and I might get to see my friends. Of course, it turns out they were at the Venetian by then but this is completely insignificant for what’s about to happen. What happened, you ask? Mitchell. That’s what happens.

We’re once again getting crushed at Planet Hollywood and it’s as if this trip is just not meant to be. Some kid named Mitchell informs us that it’s his first time at a craps table and he threw like he’s never done it before. It was a bit discouraging and the two guys standing next to me are talking about how this is the worst table ever (they obviously weren’t at the ass raping massacre that was the Thursday night IP craps table). Then this indian kid pops in, tries to get the table going with his attitude, and then next thing we know, he’s actually throwing decent and the luck is starting to turn. My turn, and I, too, have a decent roll and you could tell the tide is turning. The two losers next to me had an insignificant roll so the “tide turning” is dicey (no pun intended) and it goes back to Mitchell. Mitchell is one before Bayne so my thought is, Mitchell, just don’t do terrible and keep the luck on the verge of getting there and Bayne will start hitting. Well, Mitchell and the craps gods apparently had other ideas. Mitchell starts hitting numbers left and right but more significantly, he starts hitting 10’s like it’s his business. I start with $10 on the 10 which then gets pressed to $25 once he hits it once. Then I collect, then press to $50 when he hits again. He hits again at which point I go to $100 on the 10. He hits… all told he keeps hitting until my bet on 10 is $300 (and I’m not pressing full so I’m collecting black chips every time he hits). Table (especially me and Bayne who were the only two going heavy on 10) was going nuts… the guys next to Bayne were stoked for him while the two downers next to me were calling me a genius (like I have anything to do with the fact that Mitchell is a dice god). Both Bayne and I cash out for 2 yellow chips and a bunch more chips… of course, we can’t figure out whether we are still down or not (well, I knew I was down, question was, how down) which what other degens would be having this conversation with close to $3k in chips in hand???

By this time, it’s almost 5 and apparently, there were some of our mutual friends who were also gonna be in town and they were supposed to meet at 6 at the IP. So we decide to head to the IP and once we get there, of course, we hit the craps table. At the table, I find out that during my “blacked out” period Thursday (or as I like to refer to the ass raping massacre), I proposed to one of the dealers. I believe the line was “you were so drunk on Thursday – do you remember proposing to me?” Bayne and I obviously get a kick out of this. I am pretty drunk obviously so I am in need of shots but was tired of doing shots of jack… so I ask if we can do Patron until the cocktail waitress informs us that that is only for diamond or platinum members… you see, I’m just a gold member which is what everyone starts off… to make matters worse, Bayne is a diamond member. However, this humiliation is lost on the fact that he can order shots of Patron for us so I’m actually happy that I can piggy back on his degeneracy (of course, secretly, it fuels the fire that already burns within me to at least get to platinum which requires more gambling).

We are starving so we go back to the Hash House where I finally win the credit card roulette… of course, the one I win happens to be half the price of either of the two others that I lost but we don’t keep track monetarily (well, I didn’t, at least) so a win is a win.

Credit card roulette: Bayne 2 – 1 Me

Feature bets: Bayne 0 – 2 Me

We then head to Cosmopolitan where I sit out of the $25 min craps table session. Instead, I just go ahead and head to Aria where bayne joins me in a little while and the craps session ends up being a decent one. Saturday was probably by far the biggest win day in terms of craps cash out but still down for the trip. At least it was damage control. After 14hrs of craps, I’m beat and since I have a 7am flight on Sunday, we decide to call it a night around 1am.

Oh Vegas, I miss you already.


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Two degens = major lunacy (part 2)

So my Friday morning started off with a bloody mary and this retardedly huge breakfast meal at the Hash House (again). I look at my wallet and the stash of cash that I came prepared with was all gone… time to hit the ATM machine! So even after the massacre that occurred at the craps table the night before, I was eager to throw the dice. The friends that were the reason why I initially booked the vacation texted me saying that they were headed to the Hash House (where I was) in about 30 minutes… but at this point, I was done eating… and again, the craps table was calling my name. So, I decide to hit the craps table where generally speaking, it is usually the game changer for me… O’Sheas (yes, I like to hang out at ghetto casinos).

So I start throwing the dice, nothing really happening since it’s still early… I’m waiting for my buddy Bayne to arrive. He, unlike the others that I was supposed to see, is also a degen and I really just wanted this weekend to be a super degen weekend where I wanted to do nothing but drink and play craps. He was supposed to arrive at 2:30pm so I was surprised when he called around noon to say he was already in Vegas. Shortly thereafter, he joined me at Oshea’s where my memory is fuzzy but based on how things were going for us, we got killed. lol

Bayne lost a lot of weight and apparently, had to watch his carbs intake – so, he was sticking to jack and diet… of course, few rounds later, I suggest we do shots. Normally, I am a soco type of guy but he refuses. In the end, I am an any type of shots (as long as they are real shots, not some girly lame shot like kamikazes or some shit) kinda guy so we “settle” on shots of jack. (I also can’t do rum – bad college experience)

Time flies when you’re hammered so we had already moved to casino royale where still, no luck at the tables. You know I’m hammered when I willingly settle for a dinner at Outback Steakhouse which is at the casino royale (in my defense – otherwise, there’s no way we would actually go to Outback). After crushing the steak which served as a reminder why I no longer go to Outback steakhouse, Bayne and I decide to do a little credit card roulette. We handed the bartender two credit cards faced down and we tell him to pick one. Motherfucker picks my card so I pay the bill… and didn’t punish him on his tip for picking my card…

We decide that post dinner, we need a new venue so we hit the craps table at Harrah’s. Some decent looking older lady was showing interest in me so I offer her drinks at the piano bar which is right by the craps table we were at. I go inside, we have a drink (I think) at which point I spot a girl singing “I will survive” who I thought was pretty cute (and more importantly, younger). We go back to the craps table and then I “disappear” to the piano bar again, this time alone – I go talk to the girl who was singing and we immediately hit it off. Not sure of the progression but we go to Toby Keith’s Country Bar or whatever (also in Harrah’s) for some good ol’ country music while Bayne is still at the craps table. Now this girl keeps rubbing my back and keeps telling me how I have an “amazing back” and at this point, I’m like jello as I’ve been doing bazillion deadlifts/pullups and have been sore like shit but this makes it all worth it. We start making out at the bar but as a true degen, I start getting curious as to how the craps table is… so, I get the girl’s number and decide to rejoin Bayne at the craps table… which he tells me has not been great. FML!

Another lame craps session and we decide to call it a night.

Part 3/Finale to come soon.

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Two degens = major lunacy (part 1)

Starting in 2011, I decided to live it up. I did the AFC Championship in Pittsburgh, friends’ wedding in Newark, Superbowl in Dallas, bachelor party (not mine) in Tampa, a random trip to Copenhagen, and now, I just got back from Vegas. All in the first 3 months of this year.

Due to the credit card churning that I will go into at some point, I had free ticket vouchers on Southwest. So, when a friend of mine prompted me to go to Vegas for my birthday weekend, I decided why the hell not. Harrah’s property (in this case Imperial Palace) was giving me a free three nights stay and so no cost in terms of flying and staying there. Of course, I end up never seeing my friends that were initially the reason I booked this trip but that’s neither here nor there…

As I’m boarding on this SW flight, I see a group of very loud Indians. I don’t mean to stereotype but the ones I’ve worked with were always very calm and quiet so this was an interesting sight for me. Literally, 15 Indians all talking sh*t to each other, mixing Indian and English… I don’t really understand anything they are saying until I hear one of them say “lasdfjasdklfjlasdjfkljdlfj dflkjadflkjskl BACHELOR PARTY cdkljfakldjljafldj.” (would this be considered racist? If so, I’ll take it down later)

Southwest boarding process is one where you line up in order of your boarding number as indicated on your ticket and you just go find your seat. There’s no preassigned seating (unless you pay for it) and since I was one of the last ones on, I ended up towards the back but fortunately, in an aisle seat next to this nice, middle aged couple. Now I’ve been to Vegas so many times that the whole idea of going there doesn’t really excite me anymore. I mean yeah, I love Vegas, but that excitement that you feel when you only go there once a year or once every few years is lost on me. So I’m just thinking whatever when people around me start clapping when the plane takes off and someone (one of the dudes in the large indian bachelor party – which will be referred to as IBP) yells “Vegas baby!!!” (At this point, this scene eerily reminds me of the scene from Final Destination).

Anyways, so we take off and because it’s a direct flight to Vegas, I got 5hrs to kill. So, as soon as we here the 10,000ft DING! I boot up my laptop and go ahead and purchase the wifi. I figured, if all else fails, I can kill time reading blogs/forums/facebook. Well, I also have quite a few drink tickets with Southwest so I decide to get a jack and coke. As I guzzled down my first, I comment to the couple next to me that this was a very strong one. Of course, one leads to another and to make a long story short, next thing I know, me and some of the guys of the IBP start discussing shots… because drink options were fairly limited (I think), we decide to do shots of Jack. I don’t know how many we end up doing but I know I did at least 3… on top of the 3 J&C that I got. Needless to say, I’m pretty hammered at this point as evidenced by my posts on FB.

I wish I could tell you how this went but honestly, I don’t remember. I don’t remember landing, picking up my checked in luggage at the carousel, the shuttle/cab ride over to IP, or checking in. LOL I am literally laughing as I type this.

Next thing I know, I am in my room dropping all my shit off and grabbing a wad of cash to head downstairs to the craps table. Oh, in the meantime, I gagged/puked a little… which isn’t much when the only food eaten until this point all day is a bowl of cereal in the morning. Anyways, I get annihilated (more accurately, my bankroll gets annihilated) at the craps table and so I go up to Hash House to go get some grub. There, I order meatloaf over pasta, which let me tell you, was some kind of magical. I’m fairly certain I go back for more ass raping at the craps table before I call it a night but not really sure… I wanted to get some kind of awesome run in before my buddy Bayne showed up the next day but no such luck.

Friday starts off a bit rough but I shake off my hangover with a breakfast at hash house. A bloody mary after a 4-5 hr sleep is definitely a big help. Once I got that in my system, I am determined to make back what I lost so I decide to hit the craps table again. But that will be in my next post.

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